Us and YOU

Last Monday, I posted about Us and how we (like many parents) have struggled to find the balance between being parents and being spouses/best friends.  It is such a delicate balance. As I mentioned before, it can be challenging for mothers to look beyond the mode of the constant urgent needs of our children (especially in their younger years) and remember our spouses and ourselves, for that matter.

Unfortunately, divorce is at an all time high and marriages and families are crumbling all around us.  Fortunately, however, we live in a time where there are SO MANY resources available to us if we choose to tap into them and fight for our marriages and families.

There are marriage counselors, books, marriage seminars, DVD's, apps, and websites around every corner.  It's all at our fingertips.  Advice from those who have had lasting and healthy marriages.  They've walked in our shoes and want to point all of us in the right direction.  All we have to do is TRY.

I have such a passion to see marriages and families thrive - including ours.  I want to share with others some of the resources that have helped keep us connected (or reconnect us when disconnected or off track) and moving forward together.  If you know me, when I find something good, I don't like to keep it to myself.  So, here are a few of my favorite marriage resources:

:: Night Light: A Devotional for Couples is a great devotional for couples with short stories,

   inspirational messages and questions to grow deeper together. It's laid out in a way to be read every

   day of the week.

:: Our new favorite is the Focus on the Family app.  It's an easy and way to get encouragement,  

   gain insights and prompt conversations for the daily journey with your spouse.  It has ideas for date  

   nights, conversation starters, tips and encouragement.

:: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts is a very eye opening book that reveals the

   different love languages people have, how to discover yours, your spouse's and how to love them in 

   their "language".

 :: Ask.  I can't seem to remember the full name of this book or find it on Amazon for that matter.

   Anyway, this is such a fun little book to take with you on dates or car rides or before you go to sleep

   at night.  It has conversation starters that really help you get to know your spouse and how they think.

   You could even make up your own "deep thought" questions like: "if money weren't an option, what 

   would you do with your life?" or "who was/is the person who inspired you most in life?"

:: Laugh Your Way is the marriage seminar we attended last weekend.  They also have a website that

   offers various resources, tips, a "marriage minute" podcast and dates for their events.

:: Focus on the Family is an amazing ministry that does just that.  They focus on helping marriages,

   parents and families thrive.  Their website offers a plethora of resources, articles, marital advice and

   ways for you to find help if your marriage or family is in destructive path or on the brink of shattering.

I hope this will encourage someone today.  We would love to hear ideas and resources from you also.

No one ever said this journey or these relationships would be easy, but they are well worth it!

Us

This past weekend, my awesome husband surprised me with a mini getaway.  I could tell something was in the works and I was excited, but since having four small children....my spontaneity has dwindled a bit.  Therefore, I was a little nervous about being "whisked away" overnight without being involved in the planning.

We had an amazing time!  We attended a marriage seminar by Mark Gungor (founder of Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage-definitely check it out).  It was hilarious, enlightening and refreshing.  That night, we stayed in an executive suite with an in-room jacuzzi at a hotel, which thankfully my frugal husband used his points to get for free.  My bag and our baby's bag (who joined us since I am nursing) was very precisely packed.  All matching accessories included.  I was amazed!  Needless to say, it was such a great and much needed time together.

I remember years ago, in my B.C. (before children) days, I was talking with a co-worker of mine.  She had five children and said she had not been on a date alone with her husband since their first child was born.  I was flabbergasted.  Here I was, a (childless) newlywed who went out almost nightly with my husband.....I couldn't imagine.

Then....we had children.  Four of them within four and a half years to be exact.  You mommies out there can relate.  Diapers, discipline, messes, potty training, "mommy mommy", etc.   It's difficult to to find time and ENERGY to give to your spouse after taking care of all of the urgent needs of children during the day.  Many times us moms want to be left alone on a deserted island after so much interaction and occassional chaos.

We ended up like my former co-worker and didn't do the best job of preserving our "US" time in the early stages of parenting.  It was (and still can be) very challenging.  I am so thankful that we now have an amazing babysitter and family who help us to better do that.  I love being able to spend time alone with my best friend and the man I couldn't wait to spend my life with.

We are loving this parenting journey together (challenges and all) and these little girls have captured our hearts.  We know, however, that someday they are going to move on and have their own lives : (  It will be just "US" again and we don't want to look at each other and have to ask "who are you?"

So, mommies, I want to encourage you today to reevaluate your relationship and time with your "honey".  If you are like I have been at times and many other tired mommies and have had the tendency to give your leftovers to your spouse - today is a new day.  Keep loving and caring for your babies as well as you do, but don't forget the guy who helped you get them here [or helps your raise them if you're adoptive parents] : )

Next Monday, I want to share some ideas and resources that we have tried to implement to stay connected, have fun and grow together.