Times of Refreshing

While away visiting our family (my mother and father in-law) in a small town in Western Pennsylvania, today I'm sitting here in my favorite quaint little coffee house.

Thank you to my wonderful in-laws, two little angels are asleep with visions of sugarplums dancing through their heads, while two older precious girls spend some quality time with Nana baking and playing in the sprinkler. 

And mommy here, I'm drinking a cup of my absolute favorite drink on Earth - Big Train Chai Latte...ahhhh, yum!  Also enjoying a few quiet moments out alone working on blog stuff and catching up on some other translation work and just reflecting a bit. It's a good day.

I can't help but mention a little bonus on my time away, I "scored" 40 Swagbucks for a web search ; ) I just had to throw that in because you know I like free stuff. 

So, to my fellow mommies, I hope you will be able to get away soon, even if for an hour, to have some time of refreshing simply doing something that you enjoy (although you enjoy being with your precious munchkins).  You work hard and deserve it! Your little ones will probably also enjoy fresh face and another creative and/or fun playmate.  No mommy guilt!  (Hey, I'm preaching to the choir here).

Mom, what do you like to do to feel refreshed?!  Do you feel like you are able to get enough time to be YOU and not just MOM?!

Detours in life

"Even the most optimistic person on the planet may find her courage tested by the inevitable disappointments and tragedies of life."  - Hugs Daily Inspirations for Moms

Have you ever been there?  Most of us have. You think life is going one way...then BAM, it veers into another direction.  Maybe it has taken a difficult, lonely or confusing turn.  Or...maybe it was not such a bad change after all and it actually led to something even more beautiful or more blessed than you could ever have imagined.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my thoughts higher than your thoughts." 

 Isaiah 55:8-9

While listening to my Daily Audio Bible the other day, the story of Joseph, in Genesis 37, was a profound reminder of God's sovereignty and grace in a situation gone bad.  His father's favorite son, Joseph was sold into slavery by his OWN brothers.  Can you imagine?!  That probably wasn't the route he thought his life would take.  As the story goes, Joseph ends up in a position of authority in Potiphar's house and after time is able to save his family's lives (the same family that betrayed him).

What a great story of redemption, forgiveness and love.  A bad situation turned good.

When the day or even the entire season of life you are in doesn't look so good...there's always something to be thankful for.  Something to be learned. There's personal growth that can occur.  Possibly most importantly... there's faith and/or trust to be gained.  God knows.  He knows our hearts. Our desires. Our sins and our shortcomings.  He sees the beginning from the end. He knew and was with Joseph when he was in the "pit"and in the "palace".

Whether we are suffering the consequences of a bad decision on our part or suffering the injustice of someone else, like Joseph's story, God knows. He can help put the pieces back together.

I would like to leave you with a song by a dear friend of ours entitled Stained Glass Windows, reminds us of how God picks up the pieces of those places in our lives that seem to have been shattered.  (Warning: it's a tear jerker).

(The story and inspiration behind this song is so precious.  It's about their adoption journey.  Check out a different version of it here.)

May this encourage you today whether you are "on top of the world" or whether you are feeling the effects of being shattered. 

Much love,

Tonia

This one thing

So, I have several blog posts prepared for the New Year....goals, lists, ideas, projects, etc.  I'm looking forward to sharing them with you.  However, I can't help but come back to the central theme at where I want to center myself this year -- every year.

I, like many people, get excited about a fresh start and new beginnings.  I realllllly like setting goals, dreaming and making lists in anticipation of moving forward.

In the depths of my soul, I know all of these things (my lists, dreams, goals) are in vain and, dare I say, foolish without acknowledging that I can't do them in my own strength.  That really hits home on the days that I find myself wishing for more hours in the day, additional hands or more energy, [ahem...less laundry or clutter].

In my own strength, I cannot even begin to fully be the wife and mother, home educator and friend, daughter and sister, citizen and helper of the poor/hurting, housekeeper and cook and so on.  It requires more than one can give.  It's exhausting just thinking about it!  When my focus is right, I can wake up and put my trust in the Lord knowing that He is my help.  My strength. Everything else falls in the shadow.

This passage in Psalm 27:4 says it all:

I'm asking God for one thing,

only one thing:

To live with him in his house

I'll contemplate his beauty;

I'll study at his feet.  (Message)

*or a more familiar version*

One thing I ask from the Lord, 

this only do I seek:

That I may dwell in the house of the 

my whole life long.

Lord

all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the Lord

and seek him in his temple. (NIV)

You know that I'm not saying all of my housework and the childrens' lessons will do themselves if I sit and pray all day.  Nor will dinner cook itself.  It just changes everything to truly know the reason why and how I do what I do.  Knowing that I CAN'T do it all. No one can.  Everything changes when my day rests in seeking that one thing.

Particularly for moms, I found this great resource to print out and post as a reminder of the heart behind what we do and where our true strength lies.  I hope this will refresh you and be a daily reminder of who you really are.

Click here to print Super Mom vs. Abiding Mom.

The Blame Game

The blame game. Pointing fingers. Blame shifting. We all know about it and we have probably all done it at one point or another. It happens from government offices, to large corporations, to school classrooms, to religious communities and at home. It is as old as time. Think of the story of Adam and Eve in the third chapter of Genesis. What was Adam's response when confronted by God about eating the forbidden fruit? In a paraphrased manner, [Eve made me do it].

Part of raising children into successful and mature adults, is helping them to understand how to take responsibility for their actions and owning up to their decisions - good and bad.

I was recently watching an episode of the Dr. Phil show (yes, on occasion I do enjoy watching it). He was talking to a teenage girl who had badly beat up one of her friends and posted the video online. There were a lot more excuses than confessions on her part. Finally, there was a little remorse shown and she basically said that what's done is done and there was nothing she could do about it now. To which Dr. Phil replied, "you can't take it back, but you can own it".

So what can we do as parents to help teach our children to take responsibility for their actions and own up to their choices?

Here are some tips that I think are helpful in doing this:

• Don't entertain (allow) phrases such as:

"It's not fair."

"It's not my fault."

"But....he/she did this or that so I did this or that."

"I didn't mean to."

• Consistency and follow-through when it comes to discipline.

When you set rules for your children, there should be consequences if those rules are broken...every time! Each family has their own rules/guidelines and their own consequences. Even at an early age, kids will know if you are serious about following through or if you are just nagging and threatening.

• Teach respect for authority and boundaries.

Teach children that they will always be accountable to someone for their actions, even when they become an adult - teachers, professors, law enforcement, their boss, the government and so on. I remember teaching at a school where an irate parent came in yelling at the administration for punishing her child for poor behavior (bad choices). She left the building ranting at how no one was going to punish her child except her. What kind of message did that send to the child?!

• Emphasize and re-emphasize the power of choice: the A+B=C theory.

Yes, it's true that there are things in life that are out of our control. However, let's be honest with ourselves and say that most things that happen to us and to others are the results of choices made.

When we bring a weapon to school, we will most likely be expelled.

When we speed, we are very likely to get a speeding ticket.

When we consume more than a moderate share of junk, we are very likely to have health

problems and become overweight.

When we don't do our homework, we are very likely to fail the class.

When we don't show up for work, we are very likely to get fired.

When we spend money that we don't have, we are very likely to go into debt.

Very simple equations really: A + B = C

• Teach them that their choices (good and bad) usually affect more than just themselves:

Very rarely, do our choices affect only ourselves. Mature thinking (and planning) looks beyond our own needs, wants and desires and thinks about how it will affect those around us. Learning this at an early age will save our children and those they love a lot of heartache.

From a Biblical standpoint, the Bible urges us in James 5:16 to confess [our] sins.

What a great way to keep a pure conscience and own up to those shortcomings and bad decisions that we all make from time to time.

I recently read the following very powerful and very true quote:

"Trying to grow up hurts. You make mistakes. You try to learn from them, and when you don't, it hurts even more." ~Aretha Franklin

Idols?!

No, I'm not talking about the American singing kind. ; )

A couple of years ago, I was having a conversation with a mother of (now seven children) that I respect very much. She had subtly mentioned that her sons were taking a break from playing video games for an extended period. I, of course, was curious and asked why.

Her response was revolutionary. "Because they have made them an idol. They love them too much." Wow, such a down to earth and practical application as in regards to the charge to as Christians. One of the Ten Commandments.

You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:3

Idols aren't just limited to the graven images and "sacred golden calves" spoken about in Bible times (and sometimes practiced in present day). They are things in our everyday lives that tend to rule us, rather than allowing our hearts to be focused on God and His great love for us.

Things are nice to have....they can make life fun, entertaining, interesting and even help us to be more efficient and/or productive, at times. Think about things like food, toys, money, social media, fashion, fame and so on. None of those things are really EVIL in themselves. It's when we love them TOO much and make them the central focus of our lives that they cause problems. Yes, even video games.

Think about it. Loving food too much =gluttony and health problems. Loving money too much = greed and selfishness. Loving toys too much = arguments and greed. Loving fame/popularity too much = a "me centered" attitude. Loving social media too much = wasted time and a possible "Nosey Nelly" and gossip problem. You fill in the blanks. The list goes on and on.

It kind of reminds me of this passage in Scripture.

God is in heaven;

he does whatever pleases him.

But their idols are silver and gold,

made by human hands.

They have mouths, but cannot speak,

eyes, but cannot see.

They have ears, but cannot hear,

noses, but cannot smell.

They have hands, but cannot feel,

feet, but cannot walk, nor can they utter a sound with their throats. Psalm 115:3-7

^{5 6 7}

My life desire is to love God above all else. I want the same for our children. I also want them to value people way more than they value things. Am I providing a good example for them in this area? Have I constructed idols in my own life? What are they?

A few ways to check your (my) heart in this area:

• Take a look at your checkbook or credit card statement. Where does the majority of your money go?
• Monitor your time. Where is it given? Who/what gets priority?
• What rules your thought life?

I hope that even at a young age, we can teach our children to gauge their hearts on this matter.

Perspective, it's a beautiful thing!

I always love when things come into perspective.

One day recently, seemed to be a particularly long day. After nursing the baby through the night, another one of our little cuties woke me up quite early. Her sweet morning "mommy" calls are too precious to make me cringe at the hour she wakes me. We all did our daily routine and when my husband got home, he had to finish a project he had started in the garage. The day seemed to all run together into the evening without a break to stop and breathe.

I had wanted to go for a walk that day, but it didn't really happen. When he finished his project, we all spontaneously loaded up the van and headed for the beach. It was beautiful. It was what we all needed. My husband very graciously played in the sand with our girls so that I could take a long walk down by the water. It was amazing! The sun was setting and the water glistened.

I have always loved the ocean and large bodies of water {our beach is not the ocean, but it is still huge} because they remind me of how big and beautiful this world is. It takes me outside "my little box" of life. Mountains, stars and sunsets have the same effect on me.

Consequently enough, that same week our pastor showed this video about the hugeness of God and his love. The vastness of the universe and really how small our part in it really is. The book that I have been reading, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Frances Chan, sends out the same reminder. It is a humbling thought, but it truly puts things into perspective. It's not that we don't matter or our problems and concerns don't matter. In fact, the Bible speaks about the fact that the God of this HUGE universe even considers us.

When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers,

the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,

what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them

You have made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor.

You made them rulers over the works of your hands;

you put everything under their feet:

all flocks and herds.... (Psalm 8:3-7)

That's a pretty amazing concept. The God of the universe cares for us. I just think it's a good thing when we keep that in check. God is SO much bigger than us, our problems, our thoughts and our worries.....and our "greatness". I guess to put it plainly, let's all step outside tonight, look up at the enormous sky filled with millions of stars and eat a big piece of "humble pie".

Thank you spring! Gracias primavera!

It's always so amazing to me how beautiful nature is and how it changes with the seasons. Especially this year, due to an unseasonably warm spring, everything bloomed early and so quickly. It seemed as if we hadn't put the winter coats away before we looked out the windows and saw blooms and buds all around us.

As I mentioned before, we live in a part of the Midwest that can get pretty cold in the winter [brrrrrr....it makes me cold just thinking about it]. It really makes one anxious for a change of the seasons. We are always pretty ready to shed the winter coats, boots and blankets and run freely outdoors in flip-flops or bare feet. Ready to see all of the brown turn green and watch the trees and plants display their beautiful masterpieces. Ready to hear the birds give their wake up calls by song again.

Spring is beautiful, but I truly enjoy the change of seasons in general. I like change. The bittersweet ending of one season and the beginning of a new one. Isn't it funny how life is just the same?! Sometimes we know what to expect in the next season, but sometimes we are faced with the unexpected - just like in nature. Seasons of parenting, seasons in our careers, and in relationships. Life and death (literally and figuratively), sowing and reeping, and joys and sadness.

In it all, I'm thankful that as a Christ follower, God is the one constant thing in it all. In the seasons of nature and the seasons of life.

I the Lord do not change. Malachi 3:6

Whatever season of life you are in - winter, spring, fall or summer. Whether it's a season of growth and life or heartache and challenge, choose to look to the One who changes not. When you are in the cold and fierceness of "winter", know that spring is right around the corner.

He has made everything beautiful in it's time. Ecclesiastes 3:11

Don't become weary momma

Early, around one o'clock in the morning, I stood rocking a toddler next to the shower with the hot water on trying to steam out a croupy cough.  As soon as her tired head fell to the pillow, the soft cries from her baby sister summoned me to feed her.  Although everyone else was asleep and I was tired, I did not feel alone.


I knew there were mothers near and far sitting by cribs, hospital beds or in rocking chairs, holding little hands, cuddling, rocking, praying soothing, feeding, comforting.  It was as if they were cheering me on and I them.  Go momma go! You can do it! Don't become weary, momma!


His word encourages us:
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.   (Galations 6:9)


The dishes pile up, the laundry, shopping and cooking.  Don't become weary momma! The training, the discipline and the snuggles. Don't become weary momma... you will reap a harvest.


One of the most beautiful descriptions of mothers' sacrifice that I have read is by Ann Voskamp in her writing What a Mother Must Sacrifice (I hope you will check it out and be encouraged).  In it she describes how a mother duck lines her nest with the feathers from her own breast. 

"Eyes fixed on a duck breast puffed, mother plunging beak in deep, I question wondering self: “How else did you think nests were lined?”

With leftovers. With feathers discarded, the molted, the not-so-necessary feathers. I thought mother ducks picked feathers up from what was laying about, scraps, lining nests with what simply could be mustered after the fact.

But no. (Is that only the way of human mothers?) No, a mother duck plucks each feather out from the heart of her bosom, warm and soft.   


She lines the nest with bits of herself. The best of her, from the deep spots." 
                                                                                                                     (-Ann Voskamp)

She gives her best.  She doesn't give the fallen or discarded feathers, she plucks from within.  When you feel the sting of the sacrifice.  Don't become weary, momma! When it feels like you can't do anymore and your burning the midnight oil...don't become weary, momma!  As He promises, if you do not give up, the harvest is coming [in their lives]. 


May you have a very Happy Mother's Day, everyday!

Us and YOU

Last Monday, I posted about Us and how we (like many parents) have struggled to find the balance between being parents and being spouses/best friends.  It is such a delicate balance. As I mentioned before, it can be challenging for mothers to look beyond the mode of the constant urgent needs of our children (especially in their younger years) and remember our spouses and ourselves, for that matter.

Unfortunately, divorce is at an all time high and marriages and families are crumbling all around us.  Fortunately, however, we live in a time where there are SO MANY resources available to us if we choose to tap into them and fight for our marriages and families.

There are marriage counselors, books, marriage seminars, DVD's, apps, and websites around every corner.  It's all at our fingertips.  Advice from those who have had lasting and healthy marriages.  They've walked in our shoes and want to point all of us in the right direction.  All we have to do is TRY.

I have such a passion to see marriages and families thrive - including ours.  I want to share with others some of the resources that have helped keep us connected (or reconnect us when disconnected or off track) and moving forward together.  If you know me, when I find something good, I don't like to keep it to myself.  So, here are a few of my favorite marriage resources:

:: Night Light: A Devotional for Couples is a great devotional for couples with short stories,

   inspirational messages and questions to grow deeper together. It's laid out in a way to be read every

   day of the week.

:: Our new favorite is the Focus on the Family app.  It's an easy and way to get encouragement,  

   gain insights and prompt conversations for the daily journey with your spouse.  It has ideas for date  

   nights, conversation starters, tips and encouragement.

:: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts is a very eye opening book that reveals the

   different love languages people have, how to discover yours, your spouse's and how to love them in 

   their "language".

 :: Ask.  I can't seem to remember the full name of this book or find it on Amazon for that matter.

   Anyway, this is such a fun little book to take with you on dates or car rides or before you go to sleep

   at night.  It has conversation starters that really help you get to know your spouse and how they think.

   You could even make up your own "deep thought" questions like: "if money weren't an option, what 

   would you do with your life?" or "who was/is the person who inspired you most in life?"

:: Laugh Your Way is the marriage seminar we attended last weekend.  They also have a website that

   offers various resources, tips, a "marriage minute" podcast and dates for their events.

:: Focus on the Family is an amazing ministry that does just that.  They focus on helping marriages,

   parents and families thrive.  Their website offers a plethora of resources, articles, marital advice and

   ways for you to find help if your marriage or family is in destructive path or on the brink of shattering.

I hope this will encourage someone today.  We would love to hear ideas and resources from you also.

No one ever said this journey or these relationships would be easy, but they are well worth it!

Us

This past weekend, my awesome husband surprised me with a mini getaway.  I could tell something was in the works and I was excited, but since having four small children....my spontaneity has dwindled a bit.  Therefore, I was a little nervous about being "whisked away" overnight without being involved in the planning.

We had an amazing time!  We attended a marriage seminar by Mark Gungor (founder of Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage-definitely check it out).  It was hilarious, enlightening and refreshing.  That night, we stayed in an executive suite with an in-room jacuzzi at a hotel, which thankfully my frugal husband used his points to get for free.  My bag and our baby's bag (who joined us since I am nursing) was very precisely packed.  All matching accessories included.  I was amazed!  Needless to say, it was such a great and much needed time together.

I remember years ago, in my B.C. (before children) days, I was talking with a co-worker of mine.  She had five children and said she had not been on a date alone with her husband since their first child was born.  I was flabbergasted.  Here I was, a (childless) newlywed who went out almost nightly with my husband.....I couldn't imagine.

Then....we had children.  Four of them within four and a half years to be exact.  You mommies out there can relate.  Diapers, discipline, messes, potty training, "mommy mommy", etc.   It's difficult to to find time and ENERGY to give to your spouse after taking care of all of the urgent needs of children during the day.  Many times us moms want to be left alone on a deserted island after so much interaction and occassional chaos.

We ended up like my former co-worker and didn't do the best job of preserving our "US" time in the early stages of parenting.  It was (and still can be) very challenging.  I am so thankful that we now have an amazing babysitter and family who help us to better do that.  I love being able to spend time alone with my best friend and the man I couldn't wait to spend my life with.

We are loving this parenting journey together (challenges and all) and these little girls have captured our hearts.  We know, however, that someday they are going to move on and have their own lives : (  It will be just "US" again and we don't want to look at each other and have to ask "who are you?"

So, mommies, I want to encourage you today to reevaluate your relationship and time with your "honey".  If you are like I have been at times and many other tired mommies and have had the tendency to give your leftovers to your spouse - today is a new day.  Keep loving and caring for your babies as well as you do, but don't forget the guy who helped you get them here [or helps your raise them if you're adoptive parents] : )

Next Monday, I want to share some ideas and resources that we have tried to implement to stay connected, have fun and grow together.

Love [your kids] in many languages

Several years ago, when we were newlyweds, we read a book called The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. It was such an eye opener. It's a pretty well known title and many people have read it. If you have not, I would definitely recommend it. It was one of those times where the proverbial "light bulb" came on. Kind of like, wow, that totally makes sense.

The author, Gary Chapman, describes the five different love languages and that everyone has a primary love language. He goes on to discuss how you can determine the love language of yourself, your spouse and/or the other people in your life and how to respond to that.

Obviously, when reading this as newlyweds, it helped us to better understand one another. It helped us to see how to better serve and love the other person in a way that makes them feel

appreciated and valued.

Now that we have four children, it has been so amazing to see their different personalities and characteristics develop. The concepts in the book are once again shining the light bulb on how to love our children and how each one responds to different ways of being loved.

One of our daughter's love languages is unmistakably quality time. You can spend the entire day with her and she'll beg for more. If her grandparents or other family/friends come for a visit, she dreads the moment of their departing. She loves people and enjoys special time with the people she loves. Many times, I have let her forego her "quiet time", while her sisters nap, to spend time with me. You would have thought that I had just given her the crown jewels. She was elated.

Another daughter thrives on physical touch/affection. She is our snuggler. We could have all of her friends over and they could be playing her favorite games and she would come and sit next to me and hold my arm (a.k.a elbow for those of you who know her). I can't tell you how many times each day she says "holdy, holdy" (as in hold me). This girl loves to snuggle and we love that she does.

It has been so amazing to see how our children respond when we speak their love language. They come alive and literally thrive. We look forward to the rest of the journey that we have with them to learn about how to better love each other and each of them.

I really do encourage you to check out this book so that you can learn how to reach the hearts of those around you. It can be really discouraging to put forth a lot of effort into loving someone only to feel like they are not responding or like you can't ever do enough. That is usually because you are not speaking their "language".

A roll of tape and crosses

This weekend, the girls were playing - with a roll of tape. They spent a long time decorating the windows. The two oldest realized that they were creating crosses all over the window. They were giddy and happy. It was an appropriate and beautiful display to remind us of such an important week.

Christians worldwide are reflecting, they are remembering the sacrifice. The greatest love.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

We are His friends. He laid his life down for us.

Oh how I want these little artists who made the crosses on the window to know that. To know Him. To understand the magnitude of this great love.

Stay focused

This weekend, our pastor gave an awesome message (as usual) about staying focused, which was entitled "This One Thing." It seemed to coincide with my recent post "the art of saying no and a resounding yes", so I got excited to share it with you.

The message revolved around the story of Nehemiah and the rebuilding of the wall of Jerusalem. Nehemiah had a purpose, a goal to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem. He was faced with much ridicule and much opposition from the king and the his men. At one point, some of the king's men asked Nehemiah to take a break and come meet them in a nearby village - in which they made plans to harm him.

Nehemiah's response is what was so powerful. He said, "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" Four times they sent me the same message and each time I gave them the same answer. (Nehemiah 6:3-4)

Wow, what focus! What priority! Nehemiah knew how to say no. Can you imagine if we all took our priorities so seriously? If we followed Christ relentlessly despite the ridicule and opposition? If we parents took raising our children so intentional? If we refused to get distracted by this and that and even the other "good" things out there.

What is your wall that you are rebuilding? Get focused and be intentional about it. Like Nehemiah, refuse to come down.

Taken from the book of Nehemiah, preached by Ben Lamb and inspired by Andy Stanley. [credit to whom credit is due : )].

The art of saying "no" and a resounding YES!

Last week, I talked about The art of saying "no". Today, I wanted to focus on the resounding yes portion of that statement.

As I mentioned last week, I have been learning how to say no, even if to myself, as life has become a different kind of busy with four small children. I have not ever been an expert at turning somone/or something down. On the flip side, I definitely need some work in the area of saying yes.

What I mean is that there have been many times that my lack of ability/courage to say no to something good causes me to say yes, but am I REALLY saying yes?!? In the past, I have found myself saying yes to something only to regret it later or complain about it. Many times, having to back out of the commitment because of being overwhelmed or just simply not having the passion behind it.

When I had a "revelation" that I was doing this, it kind of made me nauseous. I felt like I was being two-faced. I was accepting a responsibility with my words, but bitter about it in my heart. I was helping resentfully. I was obviously only saying yes out of pride, wanting to be a people pleaser and to show that I can "do it all".

The Bible talks pretty clearly about this in various passages throughout. For example:

...If you mean yes, say yes. If you mean no, say no. (James 5:12 NLV)

Seems pretty clear to me, right!?

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

(James 1 5-8 NLV)

This passage is talking about a little deeper of an issue, such as wavering loyalty between God and the world. In the same sense, however, it describes a double-minded person. In choices, big and small, I want to be sure about things when I commit to them. I don't want to commit resentfully, bitterly, begrudgingly, etc. I want to choose wisely and do so with a pure heart.

A quote by Penelope Stokes [from my hugs: Daily Inspirations for Moms devotional] reads:

"Does God care about all the responsibilities we have to juggle in our daily lives? Of course. But he cares more that our lives demonstrate balance, the ability to discern what is essential and give ourselves fully to it."

My challenge to you (and to myself) is to count the cost before you commit to do something (big or small) and when you choose to say a resounding yes, do so boldly and joyfully!

The art of saying "no" and a resounding yes

Since the title of this post is the "art of saying no", it kind of sounds like I am an expert on this subject and I am handing out advice to others. That is not quite the story. Especially since having children, learning to say no is something that I am being faced with more than ever.

Even before becoming a mom, saying no is just not something I have ever been good at. I remember at one point, I had five jobs at the same time because I enjoyed so many different things. I was teaching fitness classes, giving private Spanish lessons and working at a gym and a retail store. This is one reason I don't like saying no because the choices are so many!

Another reason is because I don't like "letting people down". I'm, for the most part, a passive person. Unless there is a major decision to be made or there is something of great concern, my response is usually "whatever you think" or "why don't you decide". (Yes, I know this can be annoying to the more decisive person.) However, the bigger life decisions I'm okay with. I knew what I wanted to do with my life (or what I was called to do), what major to pursue, what university to attend and who to marry {wink} when the time came . I feel like it was somewhat easy to follow God's leading in those areas. It's the seemingly smaller decisions that I struggle with.

Now, having four very young children, I'm having to say no to things even if to myself, more than ever. I want to serve in our church more, I want to spend more time with friends, I want to travel, I want to continue to go overseas and serve the people, I want to workout more, read more and I want to spend time on my hobbies. I miss teaching international students. None of these things are bad or wrong. In fact, many of them are quite productive or are very good things to do. Where does it end?

Those are just the things that I want to do....not to mention the things others ask of me. Most likely, you are the same. People are asking, calling, needing, wanting, hurting, pulling and pleading. The problem lies in the fact that there are only so many hours in a day. I have only so much energy and so much time to give. In this season of my life, my children (and husband too) require a great deal of that time and energy. In fact, two of my children can hardly feed themselves and cannot go to the bathroom alone. The older two still need some assistance in both areas. Those basic tasks alone can definitely carve out some hours every day.

Is it easy to say no to all of these things? Absolutely not! Having traveled overseas to various countries over the past twenty years, I have seen many needs. I've been faced with decisions. It completely leaves me heartbroken to have to leave and not DO something about every single request. The fact is, I cannot physically be in an orphanage in Costa Rica, a childrens' ministry in Peru, a baby home in India or teach in Mexico at the same time. No one can. The needs big and small will always be there. In your home, in your community, in your country and abroad.

My point is that there is always something outside of the four walls of the home that can be done, that needs someone to do them and that are quite important. As moms, our primary calling (not to be confused with our only calling) is to be a mother to our children. To make disciples. To serve, teach, train, and encourage them. Pray with and for them. Guide and protect them. Enjoy them. Wow! What a responsibility. What a privilege.

As a woman in general or more specifically as a mom, it's up to you to prayerfully pursue those things that will have lasting value. To care for what has been or who has been set before you. For us moms, it's our children. Our greatest ministry.

Saying "no" is an art. You must be strategic as to when and where you say yes. You must first count the cost because sometimes the cost is too great.

"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won't you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, 'this person began to build and wasn't able to finish.'" Luke 14:28-30

I know the seasons will change and there will be more room for "yes" to the other things, but for now I will continue to learn the art of saying "no".

Next week I will talk about the "resounding yes".

Times of refreshing

Being a mother can mean long days, late nights (possible all nighters), early mornings and everything in between. A full time job with mandatory overtime. Although, we all know the rewards are immeasurable.

Time to refresh, restore and rejuvenate is imperative for doing this well. As with a lot of mothers, this has been difficult for me to do. Sometimes, just because of logistics. Others, because of the guilt factor. You know the drill: "I can't leave the kids, what if they need me?!?" "I don't want to burden anyone, they are my kids not anyone else's." "My husband is tired from working and I don't want to ask him to do that."

Before having kids, my husband and I loved to travel (very economically of course {wink} ) and that was our preferred getaway. Now, a getaway for me is a hot shower without a small audience or a few moments of quiet with my favorite chai or a book . I don't say that in a resentful or begrudging manner. I'm serious. I treasure those moments and they are important.

The greatest thing I can do, however, is spend time each day connecting with my Heavenly Father. Spending time in prayer, reading my Bible and asking for wisdom and guidance. As it has become increasing difficult to find time to do this, I know it remains the single most important thing I can do as a mother to restore my mind and spirit.

After having our first child. I was breastfeeding and it was difficult for me to get out. It was also a little intimidating for my hubby to stay with her. He thought that every time she cried she was hungry and there was nothing he could do about it. I would get a panicked stricken phone call about 30 minutes into my outing and I would rush home.

We have all learned to adjust (and continue to learn as we add more children). It has made all the difference, however. When I am able to get some time do do things that energize me, I am definitely a better person, wife and mother.

If you were like I was (and the way I am still trying to get better at). Take some time today and do something that will refresh yourself. The people in your life will most likely see the difference and so will you.

In a future post, I plan to do a "one person retreat" giveaway. It will include some of my favorite things that help me relax and restore myself - body and soul.

What about you momma? What do you do to refresh?

You won't like it one bit

Last weekend, my husband spoke at our church (and did a great job by the way...go honey!). Anyway, he talked about using wisely one of the most valuable God given resources that we all possess...TIME. He read the following poem (author unknown) that really spoke to me as a mother.

My precious boy with the golden hair

Came up one day beside my chair

And fell upon his bended knee

And said, “Oh, Mommy, please play with me!”

I said, “Not now, go on and play;

I’ve got so much to do today.”

He smiled through tears in eyes so blue

When I said, “We’ll play when I get through.”

But the chores lasted all through the day

And I never did find time to play.

When supper was over and dishes done,

I was much too tired for my little son.

I tucked him in and kissed his cheek

And watched my angel fall asleep.

As I tossed and turned upon my bed,

Those words kept ringing in my head,

“Not now, son, go on and play,

I’ve got so much to do today.”

I fell asleep and in a minute’s span,

My little boy is a full-grown man.

No toys are there to clutter the floor;

No dirty fingerprints on the door;

No snacks to fix; no tears to dry;

The rooms just echo my lonely sigh.

And now I’ve got the time to play;

But my precious boy is gone away.

I awoke myself with a pitiful scream

And realized it was just a dream

For across the room in his little bed,

Lay my curly-haired boy, the sleepy-head.

My work will wait ‘til another day

For now I must find some time to play.

When we moved last year, we were so blessed to be able to buy a home that fits our family perfectly. The funny part is that it happens to be smack dab in the middle of a retirement community. We are truly some of the only people on the block that are younger than 70's.

I was hesitant at first and told my husband that there was no way we could move there because they would all think we were crazy; moving in with four small kids and all. However, it's been a blast. The girls have inherited several great grandparents. They are kind of like little celebrities. We get homemade cookies and all kinds of special treats on holidays.

One day, we went over to our next door neighbor's house to take her a thank you card the girls had made her for her home baked cookies. When we walked in, I said to her, "wow, I can only dream of my house being this spotless." Eating dinner all alone, she responded, "oh someday it will be and you won't like it one bit".

My heart sank right there. Here she is, in the last chapter of her life and spending it alone. She once had toys sprawled over the floor. I'm sure she had peanut butter smeared in odd places like we do. She once had Mt. Laundry in her house. Those days were probably challenging for her at times, as well.

Yet, she treasures that chapter in life above all others. She misses other voices, the pitter patter of small feet and the companionship of their father.

I know we can't play dolls all day long. I know we can't let the chores go and the dishes pile to the ceiling. In fact, I'm really working on systems to keep the home in better order. It's definitely an area I'm trying to become better at.

Yet, I do know that these are precious times. Moments that we cannot get back. The days and weeks are flying by and I'm reminded as I constantly pack away boxes and change the girls' clothes to the next size. I don't want them to remember mommy always putting them off for something else. I don't want my most frequent words to be "hold on" or "later honey".

I want them to cherish our time together. To remember that mommy made them a priority and showed interest in the things they are proud to show me and the playtime they so treasure.

Our neighbor is right, I won't like it one bit.

How do you balance quality time with your children (no matter what age) and your "to do list"?